And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize