I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
