I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Too much gin, very little bucket
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
