i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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