You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
