we're chasing vodka with high fives
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
These tits shall not be calmed
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize