no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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