i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
