I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
