your thong is hanging out like whoa
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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