They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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