No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
