I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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