When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I need to calm my uterus...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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