my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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