im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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