Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
