Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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