Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
