when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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