I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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