I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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