If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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