his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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