An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
