probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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