We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
