i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
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I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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