If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
