I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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