so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
