fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
