i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
