i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
