Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize