Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
