At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
