Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
