Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What drink are we having for lunch?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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