phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
