Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
