I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
