You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
