Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
