Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Someone shit on the floor
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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