I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so let's talk penis.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
