I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize