from now on my penis is your penis
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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