Why are handjobs necessary in class?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
