Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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