Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
