Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
