apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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