Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
