I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.