I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
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I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
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Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.