So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
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super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.