I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
