Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question