he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
