So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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