i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
