So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
