Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
