I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize