We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
