Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
