The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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