hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
