Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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