If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
