He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
