found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
