Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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