i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
