just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
